The songs on the radio tell us it’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” but for many families, December brings a heavy load of pressure. There are gifts to buy, schedules to manage, and often, high-stakes family gatherings that can trigger old wounds. If you are feeling more overwhelmed than overjoyed right now, you are not alone.
At Nurturing Parenting®, we believe that the same core skills that help us raise healthy children—empathy, self-worth, and appropriate expectations—are the exact tools we need to navigate the holiday season with dignity and grace. Today, we’ll explore how to lower the temperature on holiday stress and focus on what truly matters: connection.
1. Re-Evaluating Expectations: It Doesn’t Have to Be “Perfect”
One of the primary constructs of the Nurturing Parenting philosophy is Appropriate Expectations. Often, we stress ourselves out because we expect our children (and ourselves) to behave perfectly during a time when routines are disrupted, sugar intake is high, and sleep is scarce.
The Nurturing Shift: Instead of aiming for a picture-perfect holiday, aim for a “good enough” one.
Expect Regression: It is normal for children to be more emotional or “act out” when they are overstimulated.
Lower the Bar: If baking five dozen cookies feels like a chore, buy them. If a big party feels unsafe or draining, it is okay to say no. Prioritizing your own mental health models Self-Worth for your children.
2. Using “Feeling Faces” to Decode Meltdowns
When a child creates a scene at a holiday dinner, it is rarely just “bad behavior.” It is usually a communication of a feeling they don’t have the words for—overwhelm, jealousy, fatigue, or anxiety.
The Nurturing Shift: This is the perfect time to use your Feeling Faces.
Check-In: Before you enter a busy event, ask your child to point to the face that matches how they feel.
Validate: If they point to “Scared” or “Shy,” validate that feeling. Say, “It makes sense that you feel shy with so many new people. We can stay close together.”
For Parents Too: Parents need empathy, too. Acknowledge when you are feeling “Frustrated” or “Sad.” naming the emotion is the first step to managing it without hurting others.
3. Connection Over Consumption
There is immense pressure to show love through material gifts. However, research consistently shows that children value time and attention more than toys. Expensive gifts cannot replace the nurturing touch and positive interaction that builds a child’s brain and self-esteem.
The Nurturing Shift: Focus on low-cost, high-connection activities.
Play a Game: A family game night using the Nurturing Game or the Ask It – Tell It Card Game can spark conversations that bring you closer than any video game console could.
Create New Traditions: Simple rituals, like reading a book together or cooking a meal, create safety and predictability.
4. Breaking the Cycle: Handling Family Conflict
For many, the holidays mean interacting with extended family members who may not practice Nurturing Parenting. You might encounter relatives who use criticism, shaming, or physical punishment.
The Nurturing Shift: You have the right to protect your peace and your children’s dignity.
Set Boundaries: It is okay to say, “We don’t use hitting/shaming in our family. We are trying something different.”
Debrief: If your child witnesses or experiences non-nurturing behavior from a relative, talk to them about it afterward. Use it as a teachable moment about Empathy and Family Roles.
A Note for Facilitators and Social Workers
If you are working with families this month, remember that December can be a trigger for those with trauma histories. Encouraging parents to stick to the basics—gentle touch, listening, and maintaining a routine—is the best gift you can give them.
Whether you are a parent, a facilitator, or a social worker, remember to be gentle with yourself this season. You are doing the important work of breaking cycles and building a nurturing future, one day at a time.
Looking for tools to support your family’s emotional growth this winter? Explore our full catalog of Nurturing Parenting® games, books, and resources.